ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ma ka puʻuwai o ka pilina kanaka
Ma kāna puke "Stop being nice, be real! ʻO ka noho pū ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe me ka noho ʻana iā ʻoe iho", hāʻawi ʻo Thomas D'Ansembourg i kahi noʻonoʻo hohonu i kā mākou ala e kamaʻilio ai. Manaʻo ʻo ia ma ka hoʻāʻo ʻana e lilo i mea maikaʻi loa, e haʻalele mākou i kā mākou ʻoiaʻiʻo i loko.
ʻO ka lokomaikaʻi nui, e like me D'Ansembourg, he ʻano hūnā. Ke hoʻoikaika nei mākou e ʻoluʻolu, i kekahi manawa e hoʻopau i ko mākou mau pono a me nā makemake. ʻO kēia kahi o ka pilikia. Ma ka nānā ʻole ʻana i kā mākou pono, hōʻike mākou iā mākou iho i ka huhū, ka huhū a me ke kaumaha.
Paipai mai ʻo D'Ansembourg iā mākou e hāpai kamaʻilio ʻoiaʻiʻo. He ʻano kamaʻilio kahi e hōʻike ai mākou i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā pono me ka ʻole o ka hoʻouka ʻana a i ʻole ka hoʻopiʻi ʻana i kekahi. Hoʻoikaika ʻo ia i ke koʻikoʻi o ka assertiveness, ʻo ia ka hiki ke hōʻike maopopo i ko mākou mau pono a kau i nā palena.
ʻO kahi manaʻo koʻikoʻi i loko o ka puke ʻo ia ʻo Non-Violent Communication (NVC), kahi kumu hoʻohālike i hoʻomohala ʻia e ka mea psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. Paipai ʻo NVC iā mākou e hōʻike pololei i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me ko mākou mau pono, me ka hoʻolohe ʻana i nā mea ʻē aʻe.
ʻO NVC, e like me D'Ansembourg, he mea hana ikaika ia no ka hoʻoikaika ʻana i kā mākou pilina a hana i nā pilina ʻoiaʻiʻo me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Ma ka lilo ʻana i mea maoli i kā mākou mau pilina, wehe mākou iā mākou iho i nā pilina olakino a ʻoi aku ka ʻoluʻolu.
ʻO ka lokomaikaʻi huna: nā pōʻino o ka pono ʻole
Ma ka "Stop being nice, be real! ʻO ka noho pū ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i ka wā e noho ana iā ʻoe iho", ʻōlelo ʻo D'Ansembourg i ka pilikia o ka lokomaikaʻi masked, kahi facade a mākou e hoʻohana ai i kā mākou pilina i kēlā me kēia lā. Ua hoʻopaʻapaʻa ʻo ia e hiki i kēia lokomaikaʻi hoʻopunipuni ke alakaʻi i ka hauʻoli, ka huhū a me ka hakakā ʻole pono ʻole.
Loaʻa ka lokomaikaʻi i ka wā e hūnā ai mākou i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā pono maoli i mea e pale aku ai i ka hakakā a i ʻole e ʻae ʻia e nā poʻe ʻē aʻe. Akā i ka hana ʻana pēlā, hoʻonele mākou iā mākou iho i ka hiki ke ola i nā pilina ʻoiaʻiʻo a hohonu. Akā, hoʻopau mākou i nā pilina papapaʻa a maikaʻi ʻole.
No D'Ansembourg, ʻo ke kī ke aʻo e hōʻike i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā pono maoli ma ke ʻano mahalo. ʻAʻole kēia he hana maʻalahi, no ka mea, pono ia i ka wiwo ʻole a me ka nāwaliwali. Akā, he huakaʻi kūpono ia. Ke lilo nei mākou i mea ʻoiaʻiʻo, wehe mākou iā mākou iho i nā pilina olakino a hohonu.
ʻO ka hope loa, ʻaʻole maikaʻi ka ʻoiaʻiʻo no kā mākou pilina, akā no ko mākou pono pilikino. Ma ka ʻae ʻana a me ka hoʻohanohano ʻana i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā pono, mālama mākou iā mākou iho. He ʻanuʻu koʻikoʻi ia i ke ola ʻoi aku ka hoʻokō a hauʻoli.
ʻO ka ʻōlelo hoʻomāinoino ʻole: He mea hana no ka hōʻike ʻana iā ia iho
Ma waho aʻe o ka ʻimi ʻana i nā pilikia e pili ana i ka lokomaikaʻi masked, "Hoʻopau i ka maikaʻi, e ʻoiaʻiʻo! ʻO ka noho pū ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i kou noho ʻana iā ʻoe iho" hāʻawi i ka Non Violent Communication (NVC) ma ke ʻano he mea hana ikaika no ka hōʻike ʻana i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā pono.
ʻO NVC, i hoʻolālā ʻia e Marshall Rosenberg, kahi ala e hoʻoikaika ai i ke aloha a me ke aloha. E pili ana i ka ʻōlelo ʻoiaʻiʻo me ka ʻole o ka hoʻohewa ʻana a i ʻole ka hoʻohewa ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe, a me ka hoʻolohe ʻana i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe me ke aloha. Aia ma ka puʻuwai o NVC ka makemake e hana i kahi pilina kanaka maoli.
Wahi a D'Ansembourg, ʻo ka hoʻohana ʻana i ka NVC i kā mākou launa ʻana i kēlā me kēia lā hiki ke kōkua iā mākou e haʻalele i nā hiʻohiʻona o ka lokomaikaʻi huna. Ma mua o ke kāohi ʻana i ko mākou mau manaʻo a me nā pono maoli, aʻo mākou e hōʻike me ka mahalo. ʻAʻole kēia e ʻae iā mākou e ʻoi aku ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, akā e hoʻomohala i nā pilina olakino a ʻoi aku ka ʻoluʻolu.
Ma ka apo ʻana i ka NVC, hiki iā mākou ke hoʻololi i kā mākou mau pilina i kēlā me kēia lā. Ke neʻe nei mākou mai nā pilina pili ʻole a ʻoluʻolu ʻole i nā pilina maoli a hoʻokō. He loli nui ia e hiki ke hoʻomaikaʻi nui i ko mākou ola.
"Ho'ōki i ka maikaʻi, e ʻoiaʻiʻo! ʻO ka noho pū ʻana me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe me ka noho ʻana iā ʻoe iho "he kāhea i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo. He mea hoʻomanaʻo ia he kuleana ko mākou no mākou iho a pono mākou e loaʻa nā pilina olakino a ʻoluʻolu. Ma ke aʻo ʻana i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, wehe mākou i ka hiki ke ola i kahi ola ʻoi aku ka waiwai a me ka hoʻokō.
A e hoʻomanaʻo, hiki iā ʻoe ke hoʻomaʻamaʻa iā ʻoe iho me nā aʻo kumu o kēia puke ma o ka wikiō ma lalo nei, akā ʻaʻole ia he mea pani no ka heluhelu ʻana i ka puke holoʻokoʻa no ka ʻike piha a me ka piha o kēia mau manaʻo hoʻololi.
